The #1 Question to Not Ask …
…when a friend or family member is looking for a job.
HOW’S THE JOB SEARCH GOING?
It sucks. I guarantee you, no matter what stage the person you’re talking to is at in their search, it sucks.
Asking comes from a place of caring, of wanting to show support, of genuine curiosity. We know that, and we love you for it! So, why is it maybe not the best question to ask?
Because it’s a reminder that we’re between jobs. For some of us, it’s the first time navigating this new normal and it’s SCARY. There’s a sense of shame that comes with not having a job to go to every day, especially if your role was eliminated as part of a RIF or otherwise outside of your control. Being reminded of that when you’re in a social situation, or running into an acquaintance at the grocery store - while trying to hide the pint of Ben & Jerry’s or Entemann’s Cake in your cart to help soothe the latest rejection - centers the fact that you’re unemployed while just out there living your life.
I knew that my job had the potential to end a year ago. My most recent company completed a private sale in January of 2025, but as a member of the Executive Leadership Team, I knew that this was the direction the company was going in May of 2024. The acquisition was announced in October (first round of “what happens to your job?”), completed in January (second round!), and I learned in March that the acquiring company wouldn’t be able to keep me on beyond the end of May, once integration activities would be wrapping up (three!). That’s a long time to have uncertainty hanging over your head, and it’s a long time to sit with something that isn’t really in your control. Could I have started to look for a new job sooner? Of course - but I loved my job (most of the time!), loved the industry, and truly enjoyed the people I worked with. I didn’t really start looking until I knew for sure I’d be moving on, but it’s been a possibility for over a year. Yikes. That’s a long time!
I’ve applied to jobs I wanted. I’ve applied to jobs I wasn’t sure I wanted. I look for opportunities Every. Single. Day. It’s madness out there - and I’m still technically employed for another week! With remote work becoming more widely accepted (a great thing!), it has also opened roles up to more competition. Instead of competing with the Boston area’s top-HR talent, I’m competing with the entire country.
So, how can you show support to your job-seeking friends and family without asking how the job search is going?
What’s the funniest thing that has happened during your job search? (Trust me, we all have at least one story)
Have you picked up any new hobbies while looking for your next role?
What kind of roles are you looking for?
Is there anyone in my network I could introduce you to?
Any roles you’ve seen that you’re especially psyched about?
How are you taking care of yourself during this transition?
Offering to take a walk, grab a coffee, grab an ice cream during your lunch break if you’re remote or nearby
It’s not that we’re ungrateful for the support or curiosity - it’s that THAT is a loaded question for someone who is looking for work. It’s a reminder that we’re not “contributing” whether that be to society or your household. It can make you feel like you’re not doing enough, like YOU aren’t enough. As job seekers, we don’t really have the control in this situation, and we’d love you even more if the focus was on the process vs the outcome. Trust me - when we find a job, you’ll know. Everyone will know!